


Drifting Away

by Passerbi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jicheol, M/M, im bad at tagging, prepare yourself for emotional pain, there's some soonhoon somewhere in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:08:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Passerbi/pseuds/Passerbi
Summary: Summer.Bright burning sun, vibrant blue sky. The soft sound of a voice humming to a nameless tune, the quiet touch of someone's fingers going through his hair. Seungcheol opens his eyes, his gaze meeting Jihoon's. For a second, they don't say a thing, only smile as Jihoon's song goes on.'Jihoon.' The boy stops singing. 'Should we tell the others?'





	

Summer.

Bright burning sun, vibrant blue sky. The soft sound of a voice humming to a nameless tune, the quiet touch of someone's fingers going through his hair. Seungcheol opens his eyes, his gaze meeting Jihoon's. For a second, they don't say a thing, only smile as Jihoon's song goes on.

'Jihoon.' The boy stops singing. 'Should we tell the others?'

The sweet smiles fade away.

'About what?'

'About us.'

'Is there anything about us we should tell them?'

There he goes again, muses Seungcheol as he quietly closes his eyes again. He was used to it - they both were. Him asking questions, Jihoon evading them. And on days like these, where it's just the two of them sitting there, Seungcheol's head on Jihoon's lap, they don't bother pressing on the issue. They go on cherishing simple moments, aware that taking that conversation any further wouldn't do them any good.

'I meant about us dating,' says Seungcheol, eyes still closed.

Seungcheol loves Jihoon; it's one of the many things that haven't been said. Because of how much he cares, he's always been understanding. All throughout the two years they've been together - from that first peck on the lips to the rare peaceful afternoons - he made sure the others didn't suspect a thing, hid their relationship as well as he could. But the secrecy isn't what bothers him most, isn't what makes him hurt. What makes them hurt. 

'Dating, huh...' Jihoon softly whispers.

'Yeah. We've never discussed that, have we.'

Seungcheol tries not to snicker but it's too late.

'You've gotten aggressive.'

'Wonder who I got that from.'

They both pause. Jihoon's hand stops caressing his hair. Seungcheol opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is Jihoon smiling. He's looking at Seungcheol and he's smiling. 

While Seungcheol doesn't look it, he's good at reading people. Kind of a requirement, really, when your role is to take care of twelve grown men that might as well be family. So seeing the smile, it was obvious that it wasn't one of the happy smiles Seungcheol always loved seeing. Wasn't one of the more subtle passive aggressive ones, either. No, the smile that was hovering right above him was a bitter one, a smile that meant something close to 'I'm sorry'. 

Seungcheol diverts his gaze from Jihoon's face but doesn't move. Neither of them do. 

It felt uncomfortable to be here, sitting in silence. His old self would've gotten up by now. He'd have raised his voice, started arguing, complaining. Then maybe, maybe Jihoon would have gotten upset. They'd both have started to scream, yell, they'd have said something. That's how relationships work, right? Communication. Through calm talks, through angry fights.

But his current self just stays there.

'Let's stop this.'

 

Seungcheol isn't quite sure who said those last words. It might've been both of them, it might've been neither. It doesn't matter.

 

As time passes, they drift apart as quietly as they had gotten together.

It's as if nothing changes, only when the sun hits harder and the sky takes on a beautiful vivid hue, when summer comes around and it gets quiet around the house, they don't stay behind while the others go out anymore. 

Seungcheol stays upset for a while. Seeing Jihoon, seeing him right there acting as usual hurt. Remembering the quiet touches, the lingering stares, the knowing smiles, the hidden kisses - the lust, too - hurt. He wants to ask him, to just take two minutes and ask him if he, too, is hurting.

Seungcheol doesn't end up doing it, doesn't ask Jihoon. Pride, pain, fear. A mix of the three.

The frustration eventually fades away. Maybe because they're so busy with promotions, so busy making music, so busy entertaining and laughing and living, maybe because of that, their interactions don't feel forced anymore. It sets Seungcheol at ease. Things aren't normal yet, not quite, but it might not take so long for them to be. They're basically living together after all.

They have all the time in the world.

 

When Jihoon comes out to them and tells them that he and Soonyoung have been going out, Seungcheol's first thoughts go to the last time they held each other close that one summer afternoon. He recalls how touching and kissing Jihoon's skin felt, recalls how especially beautiful Jihoon looked that day. While the other boys are looking at each other, surprised, not knowing how to react as Jihoon and Soonyoung are standing there waiting for something to happen, all Seungcheol can do is think about their lips searching, meeting, crashing. Instead of wondering how long they've been together and how he hadn't noticed anything, instead of asking himself just why Jihoon is coming out now and not then, instead of breaking the silence, instead of all that he's drawn back to remnants of old memories. It makes him suffocate.

With the lack of response from their leader and the other two leaders being the ones confessing, Seokmin is the first one to do something. He starts smiling, laughing, and goes to hug Soonyoung. The boys ease up; some smile and laugh and hug, others are quieter but smiling all the same. Soonyoung starts crying as Seokmin's embrace gets tighter, as he sees the smiles and hears the laughs. Amidst the chaotic mess that the room is starting to become, Jihoon, too, is smiling. A relieved smile, decides Seungcheol when he finally lets himself look at Jihoon.

The situation feels bizarre, surreal. It's just so ironic. What he had longed for for so long was happening right in front of his eyes, only he wasn't where he would have wanted to be - where he thought he would have ended up being. Seeing Soonyoung, seeing Jihoon, seeing all the other boys... Seungcheol feels uneasy. Like he shouldn't be here. 

Does Soonyoung even know?

Seungcheol looks at Soonyoung. 

Soonyoung is looking at him.

The moment their eyes meet, he starts beaming - so bright it makes Seungcheol want to close his eyes. A puppy searching for approval. 

Seungcheol gives him a smile. Approval granted; the puppy's attention gets stolen by joyful chatter.

He probably doesn't know a thing. 

There goes Jihoon, going next to Soonyoung. They say something to each other, out of Seungcheol's reach. There's a short hesitation before they link their hands. They look happy. 

Fucking hell, it hurts.

The summer day he's been holding onto is fading.

Soon enough there won't be anything left.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading c: feel free to drop a comment if you liked it! ;;
> 
> the soonhoon doesn't end up working out in the long run  
> jihoon and cheol never end up properly talking about it either
> 
> (@jihoonscoups on twt)


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